David's Wine Blog
An area Guide with useful information of the region.
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From Falario to Fernet, tell me your woes.
Q. Bits of cork keep falling into the wine bottle when
I open it.
Does this mean the wine is corked?
A. No it doesn't. Wine becomes 'corked' when air
enters the bottle because the cork has nor provided
an air-tight seal (Italian wines were once notorious for
this). A corked bottle of wine will often appear dark
like Sherry in the glass and might smell like damp wood
or a dirty cloth. Sometimes it is a dirty glass at fault
not the wine so check that first. Plastic corks have all
but eliminated this problem with wines produced to be
consumed young.
Q. My husband has developed an alarming taste for
the local Amaro. The smell of Cuprinol that comes
off the drink worries me that he is doing himself harm.
Any advice?
A.A glass of Amaro after any meal (breakfast
excluded) has a centuries' old tradition of aiding the
digestion. These digestivi have evolved from the
herbal medicines of the medieval monks and should be
given the respect and restraint that are due to any
medicines. The myth of Amaro containing wood
preserving agents will only bear light when your
husband's corpse is dug up and examined by Channel
4's Time Team in a century or so.
Q. Is it me or is Grappa the Devil's own urine?
A. You are absolutely correct. Grappa is the distilled
wee of Beelzebub. He is summoned by his satanic
followers at a Black Mass and fed roast badger.
After which the Evil One leaves a bottle of his own
water as a sort of thank you for a great night sort of
thing. Would you drink a liquid passed by the
cloven-hooved Prince of Darkness? I wouldn't and
don't try telling me the walnut ones taste better
because they don't.
Q. My Italian neighbour keeps foisting his toxic 'white
wine' on me with a toothless grin. I don't want to hurt
his feelings by returning it but I also fear for my teeth,
innards etc. Help!
A. Your neighbour's lack of teeth bear witness to the
fact that much condatini wine is fit for external use
only. My neighbour's white brings my silver up a treat.
However, I did lose a christening spoon which I
accidently left in a glass of the stuff overnight. It is a
good alternative to Muriatic Acid for cleaning the
terrace tiles with the added bonus of not producing a
poisonous gas as a bi-product. Accept these bottles
with cheer; you are saving the environment.
Q. My wife and her friends enjoy nothing more than a
delicious frozen slug of Limoncello after dinner.
However, the moreishness of this high octane citric
gloop is proving addictive to her and her set. What can
I do?
A. Ah there are few things more refreshingly moreish
than a slurp of semi-frozen Limoncello. However, one
is enough as another leads to another... ad nauseam
(often literally) followed by the infamous
'Limon-Coma'. In parts of rural Berkshire, husbands
have banned this substance from their homes as a
threat to Law and Order and Public Decency. Best
advice is to keep only a half-filled bottle in the freezer
to remove temptation. If a guest brings some, simply
confiscate as contraband and hide it securely. One is
enough, just say no!
Q. I have several rows of vines bearing wine-making
grapes. However, i am not Baron Mouton Rothschild
and have neither the skill, equipment or time to make
E100 bottles of wine. I don't want to see the grapes
go to waste, though. What should I do?
A. Why not harvest a few bunches when you see your
neighbours doing so (mid Sept-mid Oct) and take
them down to the local wine co-operative. They will
test them and if they're any good the winery will use
you whole harvest and add them to their batch and
might even give you some bottles as payment in the
New Year. Don't be upset if they split their sides
laughing at the quality of your grapes, though.
Alternatively, you could attempt to make your own
batch of Vin Cotto. No, I don't have the recipe on me.
Q. I thought Vernaccia was a white wine. Imagine my
surprise when I ordered Vernaccia di Serrapetrona
and some fizzy red turned up!
A. Yes indeed. Vernaccia di Serrapetrona should
not be mixed up with the more famous Tuscan white
Vernaccia di San Gimignano. The former is an
effervescent fruity red with foam, the latter a bone dry
white with all the appeal of sucking a stone. The
Serrapetrona would have been a nightmare with fish
so you do have my commiserations. As an Aide
Memoire, it is worth bearing in mind that in Italy the red
wines are found in the Vini Rossi section of the wine
list and the whites under Vini Bianchi.
Q. Is it true that 'Grappa' is the Old Italian word for 'I
summon Thee' and if repeated three times, Lucifer will
appear?
A. Yes. I have actually seen this happen.
